Hillary Clinton Nutcracker with Stainless Steel Thighs

Courtesy of the fine folks at the Little Bear Trading Post of Rochester, Minnesota, we bring you … drum roll, please … the Hillary Clinton nutcracker.

Standing nine-inches tall, the Hillary Clinton nutcracker comes complete with serrated, stainless steel thighs able to crack even the toughest nuts. Its inventor, Frank Freeman, claims that the product isn’t intended to make a statement; he’s just hoping to have some fun and make a buck.

A spokeswoman for Hillary Clinton’s campaign declined to comment after hearing the product described to her, although we’re not sure why. You just put your nuts between Hillary Clinton’s legs and give them a squeeze -- innocent enough, right?

Lynn Wilson, Chairwoman of the Olmsted County Democratic Farmer Labor Party, dismissed the Hillary Clinton nutcracker as an irrelevant novelty item. “We need to remember that this is a serious election,” she said.

Elections are indeed serious business. Thank you for the reminder, Mrs. Obvious. We had almost forgotten.

Currently, the Hillary Clinton nutcracker is only available at the Little Bear Trading Post. However, Frank Freeman plans to sell them in outlets in New York, DC, and other stores across the country. If you can’t wait for her stainless steel thighs to make their way to a store near you, you can find them online at HillaryNutcracker.com.