Miss Teen South Carolina Don't Need No Edumacation

More beauty pageant misfortune. On last Friday night's Miss Teen USA pageant, tragedy struck.

Lauren Caitlin Upton, Miss Teen South Carolina, was asked, "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the US on a world map. why do you think this is?"

And her brain malfunctioned. "I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because ... uh ... some people out there in our nation don't have maps and ... ah ... I believe that our education, like such as South Africa and the Iraq -- everywhere like such as -- and I believe that they should ... uh ... our education over here in the US should help the US ... er, or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our ..."

A sphincter says what?

When questioned by a South Carolina newspaper, The State, Lauren said, "I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't expecting the question. I lost my train of thought."

Sorry, Lauren, but you did do something wrong. In fact, you did three things wrong. One, you didn't expect the question. Two, you lost your train of thought. Three, you opened your mouth and poured forth a great flood of nonsensery.

NBC's Today Show gave Lauren Upton a second shot at the question. After several rehearsals in the dressing room mirror, she passed with flying colors. "Well personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map. I don't know anyone else who doesn't. And if the statistics are correct, I believe there should be more emphasis on geography."

For the record, Lauren is a varsity athlete and student leader at Lexington High School, where she sports a 3.5 GPA. Yes, she was on national television, and we know the pressure was intense. "Everything did come at me at once. I was overwhelmed, and I made a mistake. Everybody makes a mistake. I'm human," she said. "I seriously think I only heard about one or two words of the actual question."

The best part? Lauren Upton placed third in the competition.