General David Petraeus Report

General David Petraeus, the Commanding General of Multi-National Forces, Iraq and the head honcho in the war against terrorism, appeared before a joint session of the House Armed Services Committee and House Foreign Relations Committee today to give his much anticipated assessment.

We'll try to remain neutral. Just the facts, ma'am, and all that, right?

General Petraeus's overall assessment was that the surge of US troops met its military objectives and that we may be able to scale back to pre-surge levels by July 2008 without jeopardizing our gains. In other words, a withdrawal of about 30,000 service members by mid-summer.

"The level of security incidents has declined in eight of the past 12 weeks with the level of incidents in the past two weeks the lowest since June of 2006," he said.

Iranian, Syrian, and Iraqi terrorists, Al-Qaeda, and sectarian violence remain the largest threats to stability, and although there is no guarantee of success, abandoning the country now would result in certain failure and embolden Al-Qaeda and its allies.

Throughout the proceedings, anti-war protesters, including Cindy Sheehan, whose son was killed in Iraq, heckled General Petraeus.

"Tell the truth, General!" rang the chorus. "Generals lie, children die!"

Finally, the Chair of the House Armed Services Committee, Republican Ike Skelton, gave them the boot. "No more disturbances will be tolerated," he said. "Out they go."

However, when Petraeus finished his testimony, several more protesters began chanting, "Pull out!" They also got the boot. One woman wearing a pink cardboard crown and screaming "No, no, no!" had to be forced out of the room by security guards.

General Petraeus came under attack ...

Wait a minute. Sorry.

If we were to give our lives while serving our country, do you really think we would want our families to discredit that sacrifice by protesting the very reason for which we died? The correct answer is no. We would not. We would be ashamed. Luckily, we know our families have the good sense to realize that we died fighting for our country. This is an all-volunteer Army. There is no draft. No one has forced us to pick-up arms and defend our country. We do it because we are patriots. Be proud of us. Don't turn around and say our cause wasn't just or that we died without purpose. Don't embarrass us, and don't embarrass our memory.

We know we said we'd try to remain neutral. We failed.

Anyway, General Petraeus came under attack in an advertisement in today's New York Times. Right-wing nut jobs from MoveOn.org made numerous ridiculous and unprovable accusations, including one that he was "cooking the books for the White House." The title of the ad? "General Petraeus or General Betray-us?"

Cute.

The 2000 Democratic Vice Presidential candidate, Senator Joe Lieberman, responded, "We must reject the slander of this brave soldier and patriot," and White House press secretary Tony Snow wrote it off as "a boorish, childish, unworthy attack."

Today's hearing on our progress in the War on Terror was only the first, and it begins a week-long focus on the future of the Iraqi conflict.

Remember that tomorrow is Patriot Day and the anniversary of September 11, 2007. Please do not forget the men and women who lost their lives on that day and the men and women who continue to sacrifice their own well-being to protect your freedoms and defend this great country.

Microwave Popcorn Lung

It's a known fact that workers in factories that produce microwaveable are prone to contracting bronchiolitis obliterans, also known as popcorn lung.

Seriously.

Popcorn lung is a lung disease caused by exposure to diacetyl, the chemical used for artificial butter flavoring. Over the last five years, popcorn makers like ConAgra Foods, General Mills, and the American Pop Corn Company have paid more than $100,000,000 in lawsuits filed by employees who have contracted popcorn lung.

While diacetyl is found naturally in products like milk, cheese, and butter, it becomes a vapor when heated. If inhaled for extended periods of time, it can lead to swelling and scarring in the lungs's airways.

So how do you know if you've been breathing in too many toxic popcorn fumes? Inhale deeply. No problems? Good. Now exhale. If you find the process of exhaling difficult, you might have popcorn lung, or someone might be trying to smother you with a pillow.

So factory workers who are exposed to diacetyl on a daily basis are at risk. What about consumers?

Unless you are consuming a bag or two of microwaveable popcorn a day, you should be safe. The risk comes from inhaling the fumes, so don't open the bag and take a big whiff. Keep it under a vent or in a well-ventilated area. However, there is only one documented case of popcorn lung by a consumer, so don't panic just yet.

Meet Wayne Watson.

Wayne was a chronic user. He ate several bags of microwaveable popcorn a day. "I am popcorn," were his words. He'd been eating that much for a decade. As it is with most foods we love, the smell was a large part of his enjoyment. He'd open the bag, and inhale both the comforting fragrance of popcorn and the deadly fumes of diacetyl. Ah, what sweet bliss.

Wayne Watson first noticed a change in his lung capacity several years ago during choir rehearsals when he wasn't able to hold his notes like he had once been able. He wasn't a smoker and had made no changes to his lifestyle, so he saw a doctor about it. He got scans and biopsies, he took inhalers and steroids, all to no affect. Gradually, his lung capacity continued to diminish.

It wasn't until he saw a a pulmonary specialist at Denver’s National Jewish Medical and Research Center that the astute doctor noticed similarities between Wayne's symptoms and popcorn lung.

Further investigation revealed that the levels of diacetyl in Wayne's home were equal to a microwave popcorn production factory.

Wayne Watson has since kicked the habit, and his lung capacity has greatly improved.

Coincidence? ConAgra seems to think so. The makers of Orville Redenbacher and Act II popcorn made this statement:

“We are fully confident that microwave popcorn is safe for consumers to prepare and eat. However, in order to eliminate even the perception of risk for consumers and to provide the safest possible work environment for employees who handle large quantities of diacetyl, we plan to eliminate the use of added diacetyl in our microwave popcorn products within a year."

General Mills and the American Pop Corn Company are also working on new recipes sans diacetyl.

In the meantime, enjoy your microwaveable popcorn of death.

New Apple iPod Announcement

Ever since the days of our Apple IIGS, we've loved Apple. While Apple Computer Inc. seemed likely to dominate the market in the 1980s, the evil Bill Gates came along and beat them into submission. Venture into an early 1990s computer store, and you’d fine row upon row of Microsoft Windows compatible programs; the Apple ones would be tucked away on the bottom shelf in a dark and dusty corner. Resigned, we eventually traded in our Apple for one with Microsoft Windows 95.

So when did Apple start making a comeback? While we admit that a desktop computer with the Mac Operating System is actually a viable alternative to Windows these days, it was the iPod that turned the company into something with teeth.

The iPod hit stores on November 10th, 2001. At that time, Apple was trading on Wall Street for around $10 a share. Today, it’s trading for $140. If you had invested $10,000 in Apple when the iPod was announced, it would be worth $140,000 today.

Hindsight is always 20/20.

Well, we weren’t going to make the same mistake twice. The day the iPhone was announced and Apple Computer Inc. became Apple Inc., we dropped some cash into their stock. Since then, it’s gone up another 56%. In July, the iPhone commanded 1.8% of the mobile handset market and outsold all other smart phones, and analysts expect this number to continue to grow.

But it seems Apple isn’t done yet.

Today, Steve Jobs announced they would be revamping the entire iPod lineup. Here are the highlights.

iPod Touch

Think of it is an iPhone without the phone. The iPod Touch features a touch-screen interface, Cover Flow (a three-dimensional graphical user interface that displays album covers you can flip through), and Wi-Fi, giving you access to the Safari web browser, a YouTube application, and the iTunes music store so you can browse and buy music anywhere there’s a Wi-Fi hotspot. The iPod Touch comes in 8 GB ($299) and 16 GB ($399) models.

iPod Classic

Video iPods were renamed iPod classics. This sixth generation version incorporates Cover Flow and an all-metal casing. A new 160 GB version ($349) will also be available, giving you the ability to create play lists of your favorite 40,000 songs.

iPod Shuffle & iPod Nano

The new iPod Nano features a larger, video-capable display with Cover Flow for your music. It also includes three games with more games available through iTunes. It comes in a 4 GB ($149) and 8 GB ($199) version. Both the Shuffle and Nano got the all-metal casing makeover.

iPhone

If you couldn’t afford it before, you’re in luck. The 8 GB iPhone has been reduced in price from $599 to $399. As an added bonus, iTunes now also gives you the ability to create custom ring tones for your phone.

If you haven’t already invested in Apple Corp., we highly recommend doing so. Make sure you pick up a new iPod and iPhone while you’re at it, too. If your significant other complains about your spending habits, show him or her portfolio, point at AAPL, and say that you are only investing in your future.